Evolution of Language (Learning)

When I first came to Hue, I came with a peculiar Vietnamese language background:

• Growing up, I only knew the appropriate words to address adults upon first meeting them and bidding them farewell.
• I attended Vietnamese Saturday school so I could play Playstation with my Vietnamese-American friend after class. I did learn that there are multiple forms of Vietnamese vowels, and I mastered lip-syncing "Que Huong" for a concert the whole school had to perform in.
• I took a Vietnamese class in Berkeley before I left for Singapore, knowing that during my time abroad, I would visit my relatives when I got the chance to. Thay Bac, our professor and awesome uncle figure, made that daily one-hour class the highlight of my day, as I sat in the floor of the crowded class and fearlessly read letters and words incorrectly, waiting for Thay Bac to smile at our foolishness and correct us with care.
• In Hanoi, we had a two-week crash course in Vietnamese. Since Quan, Trevor, and I already had a decent background in the language, we spent most of our time studying outside the main class. We used our various strengths to reading, writing and speaking to understand the lesson, and compared and contrasted it with what we understood of the Southern dialect. However, most of the words we learned were from the Northern region. 

Yet, by the time I came to Hue, all that background knowledge went out the window. "What language are you speaking?" I would sometimes hear from street vendors and jokingly from new friends. My excitement of utilizing prior knowledge eventually died out, and I became more intent on listening and reading rather than producing. In turn, people would mistake my listening and desire to absorb conversations as my inability to speak Vietnamese. 

I was warned by multiple folks in the North that I would not be able to understand the Hue accent... And they were right. The Hue accent reflects the old Imperial kingdom that consisted of songwriters and poets. (Hue was the capital of Vietnam before the French took over.) At one point in time, it was the language of royalty and artists. Now, to outsiders, it's the least comprehensible dialect of all famous cities in Vietnam.

However, I noticed a change after my last visit to Hanoi in February. The dialect I once found comfortable became too rough and quickly spoken. I was constantly asked to repeat my words, and I often struggled to change my accent right away. The city I had once loved and enjoyed with my Fulbright friends had become foreign to me, and once I came back to Hue, I felt at home again. The voices of local restaurant employees and banh bao bikes sang to me in crescendos and decrescendos, sharps and flats. When the language speaking went beyond my comprehension, at least a smile would be returned to show that it was all alright, "khong sao." The relief in returning to Hue made me realize that Hue had evolved into my home.

Nowadays, I've been pushing my language learning because I realized that learning about a culture also involves studying the language. I want to better understand people, and understanding the way they use (or don't use) the language increases that understanding, and I'm doing so by speaking Vietnamese consistently when hanging out with students, Hue friends (i.e. Thao (not my sister)), and my relatives (mostly Khoai). By continually asking questions instead of making broad assumptions, by repeating new Vietnamese vocabulary and using them in examples, by asking for correct English translations, I have become a teacher-student/student-teacher. I am, in my own way, achieving a mini-model of Freire's concept of true education, making the learning experience meaningful because I am providing opportunities for my students to be my teacher, and for me to be the student.

I didn't realize this until I came home to Da Nang yesterday afternoon to check in on my family. Before coming back to the house, Khoai and I sat at a cafe and talked about future goals, problems, and solutions. It was a conversation that lacked the usual bursts of laughter that came from confusions of learning each other's primary language. It was a conversation focused on me understanding matters within my mom's side of the family, only for the sake of knowing and putting everything I knew into context of the bigger picture. Within a matter of months, I had matured from one who didn't have the language skills to communicate basic opinions, to one who can now do so, but has much room left to improve communicating critical thoughts.

Crossroads

With about two months left until my grant ends, I often find myself brainstorming what I should do once I come back home. At first, the choice seemed easy: go back to the classroom. But now, I feel that there's more I need to do before I make that decision.

In my letter of intent to Fulbright, I made it clear that I wanted to become a teacher in Vietnam because 1) I wanted to learn more about my culture through interacting with students and community members, 2) I wanted to engage in learning and educating that went beyond standardized tests (which is a whole 'nother beast here), and 3) I wanted to take the English Language Learner resources I've used here and bring it back to the States. Linearly, it makes sense for me to come back to the classroom I once taught in. But I've experienced so much here that I feel I should look into different options before I settle back into where I once was.

Option 1: Working directly with a Vietnamese-American community. The past 6-7 months here have been spent learning about my parents' culture and their experiences in Vietnam. I still feel like an outsider, given that outside etiquette, titles, and knowledge of Vietnamese dishes, I didn't know much about Vietnamese culture. I just knew about Vietnamese-Americans who didn't live with other Vietnamese-Americans. (Does that make sense?) What I'm trying to say is, I want to know more about and assist Vietnamese communities that have resettled into the States because I wasn't a part of that culture growing up. Now that I know about the cultural adjustments that they have to make, I feel I could serve as a valuable asset and that I can also learn a lot more from them.

Option 2: Continue learning by working with a different immigrant/refugee community. Something I missed about working at a successful small school in Oakland was their emphasis on understanding their students' culture and heritage. Cultural diversity and different languages spoken in the household were seen as an assets rather than deficits. I was reminded of this when my friend sent me an article about a similar school in England. There are so many wonderful practices I need to learn from, and once I learn them, I would be able to benefit the community I once worked in.

Option 3: Working in a small school that prioritizes communication with family and community. My previous school was so bogged down with directions from the district on bringing up our students' test scores that we hardly got to reserve time to get to know our students and their families outside of disciplinary actions. I was one of the few teachers in the school who attempted to visit all students' families on my own initiative, and without administrative support and encouragement, it was difficult to continue doing things that I felt were necessary to build a community within the classroom. Therefore, I need to work in a school that makes family communication a priority and keeps the community in the loop with school events. I need to feel part of a united community that actively prioritizes our students and recognizes their needs outside test scores.

While I have been concerned having a job after the grant, I've taken the time since my last post to live in the moment. Here are some fun things that have happened:

• Friday before last, I participated in Fun Football (Soccer in the States) Friday with Thao, who works for Football For All: Vietnam, a Norwegian NGO that introduces football to schools to promote positive feedback among teachers and retention among students. (Nguyen-Nguyen situation.) A few minutes into the game, I got the ball and instinctively (I was probably scared to keep it for too long) kicked it to Thao, who then scored a goal for our team. Even though we didn't get much play after that, it was mini-victory for us as amateur footballers (okay, I don't even think I qualify as amateur) and as womyn. We still talk about it to this day.
• For the topic of political parties, I had my students debate on same-sex marriage given their political party stance. Due to fear of students being ostracized for their personal opinions, I made it clear that they had to argue their point based on their party's beliefs. When I looked at the Republican side, I noticed how pout-faced and disappointed a few students were about having to argue against same-sex marriage. "I can't fight my heart," one student stated. As sad as it was that they had to fight their own personal beliefs, I was happy to see how passionate they were about the topic.
• I went to Truoi Lake (in Phu Loc, an hour outside of Hue) this past Saturday with Dave, fellow Huester/Phu Quoc half-marathon training homie/karaoke king. At one point, Dave's bike broke down in front of a cafe close to our destination, and we were invited to drink tra da while the cafe owners called over the closest mechanic. The mechanic then let us borrow his bike to continue making our way to the lake and so he could have time to fix Dave's bike. (Hella Hue hospitality.) We then continued on our mini-trip. 

Love the water

In Vietnam, some folks like to take "sneak-attack" pictures of foreigners by sitting next to them and having a friend take a picture of them and the unsuspecting foreigner. In this case, the young man just held the camera in front of Dave and took the picture point-blank. I did the same to recreate the effect and capture Dave's slight discomfort.

Lovely girl we met on the ferry

Temple at the top of the stairs

View of Truoi Lake (makes the climb worth it)

Inside the temple

• This past Sunday, I had a lazy day that started with a bougie latte at the top of Imperial Hotel. It was recommended for its view, and from the top, you can see the difference between the different parts of the city, which is split by Huong River.

The Citadel side, where no building is allowed to be higher than the King's palace.

Citadel side

The more modern part of Hue on the other side of the river. I never noticed how wide Hung Vuong Street is.

• After coffee, I went to Thuan An Beach with Jenelle and Binh to enjoy the weather. (And by enjoy the weather, I mean sleep.) Eva and Lena, German volunteers who work with people with disabilities in Hue, also joined us later on. We ended the night with awesome seafood by the beach.

Beautiful people

Last picture of the day

While I am at a crossroads concerning what lies ahead in the future, new discoveries and Hue friends always give me new reasons to love this city, keeping me in the moment and reminding me that I still have much more to appreciate.

Reconnecting

I was having dinner with Kate and her parents the other day, who were visiting Hue for a couple days, and they asked about my experiences as a Vietnamese American Fulbrighter in Vietnam. They spoke to me with the same gleam in their eyes as I once had when I first arrived to Hanoi for orientation. Jokingly, I stated, "America's my homeland," and went on about how there has been a clash of cultures considering the family I was born to, the country I was raised in, and the country I have only recently come to know as my que huong.

Looking back, I realized that I said that because I had been so disheartened by my work here. I spend over 12 hours a day planning for a class that I have no curriculum for, no test to prepare them for, no purpose to state. I've scheduled English and Poetry Club meetings that students have no time to attend. I'm usually told by students that I speak too fast, when I have reduced my speaking speed by 1/2. I find it hard to create meaning in my work given that I don't have the vocabulary to explain why each lesson matters, and why it's important that they complete homework each day. I found myself flipping through photo albums of my fifth grade students from the past school year, thinking to myself how much I miss them and being in a 5th grade classroom. At least I was given curriculum that I could adapt to, and there was a stronger cultural connection, as most of us were Americans from immigrant backgrounds.

So I did what I usually do to get out of my mental slumps: sought comfort in my friends. My friend Hong, whom I know from working out at the Indochine, took me to her que Thu Ha, which is located 20 km north of Hue. There, we hung out with her parents, made banh bot loc, ate lunch, walked around her hometown, napped, then ate some more. What was nice about our trip was the retreat aspect as well as the bonding experience; I got to learn more about Hong as I conversed with her and her parents, and I was extremely grateful that they welcomed me to their home.

Flour + shrimp and pork fat = banh (bot) loc

Our finished product. I made fat ones since I kept trying to fit in as much meat as possible.

Hong va me Hong

Vietnam's Next Top Model!

This past Friday was quite eventful given that it was International Womyn's Day. I received many texts from different students from this and the past semester, and one of my senior students invited me out for lunch to practice English. Once she realized that I could speak a decent amount of Vietnamese, we ended up speaking mostly Vietnamese, mostly to get to know each other better and to clarify the meaning of certain English words. (We promised to speak English the next time we hung out.) Lunch extended to street coffee (cafe coc) as we spoke about the differences and meanings of certain Vietnamese and English words, and laughed about the potential misunderstandings and how incorrect pronunciation can lead to the use of an unintended word.

I was really thankful we got to hang out because I rarely have the opportunity to get to know students outside of class (mostly because I'm scared the line of professionalism would get blurry), and she gave me honest feedback about how the class was going and how her and the other students prefer to learn in class. Apparently, my hours of planning have not gone unnoticed, as she said she really appreciates the hard work I put into introducing the culture of each region, and how thorough I am in explaining. "It's like we're elementary school students again!" she exclaimed. I guess being an elementary school teacher prior to teaching in Vietnam has its benefits.

At night, Jared was sweet enough to host a party for the womyn and womyn appreciators in his life. Binh and Hieu also prepared food for us; Binh made dau hu sot ca va dau phong (tofu sauteed in tomato and peanuts), and Hieu made nutella banana dessert. A group of us got down with Blackjack, which is always a fun group game.

Our wonderful host

Binh preparing us a lovely dish

Tram, My, and Jenelle appreciating each other

Binh, Steven, Thao and me

By the end of the week, I had realized that I really missed my cousins in Da Nang, and that I may not be able to make my monthly first for March given scheduled weekend-events. Therefore, I decided to visit them this past weekend. As soon as I came in, my cousin Khoai took me around a scenic countryside route that he just discovered around Da Nang. I felt I was in Mai Chau again as I soaked in the natural beauty around me, and I felt the spirit and positivity I once felt about being in Vietnam return the more I hung out around him. Hanging out with Khoai reminded me of how my cousin Chi Dung told me about how her and my father used to run around Sai Gon and cause trouble, being "quay" and having fund together. I hope to one day tell my future children about their Cau Khoai and how he brought youth and optimism into my life when I didn't feel I was at my best.

Twinsies!

Khoai telling me to pretend that I'm looking at something far away

Falling hug

After hanging out with my friends, family, and talking to my student, I realized I can be too hard on myself. I may not feel successful at my work because I'm placing myself at high standards that should be adjusted to fit Vietnamese work-life. I should continue thinking within my locus of control and act based on the things I am able to do and get in contact with people who can support me, whether they be folks at the school, Fulbrighters, or teachers from back at home. Another thing I realized is that I need to be more proactive about reaching out to friends and family. I have such a good time with them whenever I'm around them, but since I'm so worried about lesson planning, I tend to opt out of calling/texting them to ensure that I have enough time to take care of my work. But what ends up happening is that I get so wound up with stress that I end up being a hot-mess the next day anyway. I need to balance life better, and I need to continue connecting with folks, as I'm sure these next three months will fly by quickly.

Happy Half-Year Anniversary, Quê Hương!

Dear Viet Nam,

Can you believe it's been six months since I came to you, seeking your wisdom, culture, and love? I remember when I immediately became infatuated with you in Ha Noi. You gave me courage and street-smarts as I learned how to walk at a consistent pace across a street crowded with motorbikes; you provided me with delicious food that could be easily found anywhere along the sidewalk; you taught me that my home language can be spoken in many ways, and that my efforts were always good enough; you showed me true beauty as seen through your diverse landscapes and in the eyes of my people; and you gave me irreplaceable friendships that developed through laughs and shared struggles.

But I eventually questioned your love. A different side of you began to surface as the novelties started to fade upon settling into Hue. The hierarchy, the patriarchy, the high expectations I never met as a Viet Kieu, the lack of expectations given that I was just another foreign teacher at my university -- things that I never anticipated because I was clouded by my strong desire to learn about my que huong and develop professionally for the benefit of ELL students in America... my home for the past 25 years. I hit a wall, realizing that my goals and your offerings weren't exactly compatible.

Viet Nam, we've had our challenges, and the true test of our relationship is based on our ability to overcome them. I've learned so much from you, and today, I am making a vow to recommit to you: to learning about you, to giving you the benefit of the doubt, and to compromise with you as a way of improving ourselves. Before I move forward with my vow, I'd like to share what I've learned from you thus far, and what I'd like to continue as life habits:

1) Prioritize family, work to mobilize: In America, I found it hard to feel valid if I didn't feel successful in my career. If I had a bad day at work, the feeling would stick until I made amends the next day at work. However, you taught me to prioritize the existing relationships that helped me become the person I am today -- from my ma, ba, chi to my ba con to my friends here and abroad. You helped me remember that I'm not working only for myself, but to improve other people's conditions and to take steps forward in mobilizing my own family.

2) Work hard, play after: America ('s educational system) had me working an average of 12-hour days. As much as I anticipate the return of old habits, you taught me how to appreciate a well-earned rest with friends or just by myself. There's no shame in recuperation time to reflect in teaching practices, or time to take your mind off work to hit the refresh button.

3) Chill out and move on: You threw me some curve-balls: non-functional projectors, inconsistent internet connections, heckling locals... But I figured out that you were teaching me to be patient and creative with my solutions. No need to freak out; chill out and move on. Cancel class and assign the video as a homework assignment. Go to the next cafe and bow out gracefully. When a local heckles you, flash a big cheesy smile to show that you acknowledge that you're different (running with Dri-fit gear, a headband, and actual running shoes makes you stick out like a sore thumb here), and that you just don't care.

4) Appreciate the inner-introvert: Never have I appreciated alone time as much as I have since I've been here. I've been able to reflect constructively about my actions and plan accordingly to short-term and long-term goals. I've also been able to blog, journal, and write creatively, giving me a proper outlet to clear my mind and focus on work thereafter. Don't get me wrong -- I still enjoy discovering you, Viet Nam. The moments I have alone are spent processing you and how I can treat you better.

5) Keep the big goals in mind: I can be a very detail-oriented person, but you helped me focus on the bigger picture. During the times I tried to lesson-plan past functional hours, you pulled me away from my computer and helped me reflect on the main objectives, and how internalizing those alone can help the students more than an elaborate (and possibly unfulfilled) plan can. When I get caught up in administrative details, you help me remember that I'm here for the students and community, and that I could come up with solutions within my locus of control. Knowing that my time with you will soon come to an end, you even give me the time and space to evaluate how my work here will translate to what I will do in the future and support my actions toward resettling in the States.

Viet Nam, I'm extremely thankful for everything you've given me. I only hope that I can give back to you just as much. I love you dearly, and I'll do my best to not let you down.

Sincerely,
Nguyen Minh-Giang