Dear Viet Nam,
Can you believe it's been six months since I came to you, seeking your wisdom, culture, and love? I remember when I immediately became infatuated with you in Ha Noi. You gave me courage and street-smarts as I learned how to walk at a consistent pace across a street crowded with motorbikes; you provided me with delicious food that could be easily found anywhere along the sidewalk; you taught me that my home language can be spoken in many ways, and that my efforts were always good enough; you showed me true beauty as seen through your diverse landscapes and in the eyes of my people; and you gave me irreplaceable friendships that developed through laughs and shared struggles.
But I eventually questioned your love. A different side of you began to surface as the novelties started to fade upon settling into Hue. The hierarchy, the patriarchy, the high expectations I never met as a Viet Kieu, the lack of expectations given that I was just another foreign teacher at my university -- things that I never anticipated because I was clouded by my strong desire to learn about my que huong and develop professionally for the benefit of ELL students in America... my home for the past 25 years. I hit a wall, realizing that my goals and your offerings weren't exactly compatible.
Viet Nam, we've had our challenges, and the true test of our relationship is based on our ability to overcome them. I've learned so much from you, and today, I am making a vow to recommit to you: to learning about you, to giving you the benefit of the doubt, and to compromise with you as a way of improving ourselves. Before I move forward with my vow, I'd like to share what I've learned from you thus far, and what I'd like to continue as life habits:
1) Prioritize family, work to mobilize: In America, I found it hard to feel valid if I didn't feel successful in my career. If I had a bad day at work, the feeling would stick until I made amends the next day at work. However, you taught me to prioritize the existing relationships that helped me become the person I am today -- from my ma, ba, chi to my ba con to my friends here and abroad. You helped me remember that I'm not working only for myself, but to improve other people's conditions and to take steps forward in mobilizing my own family.
2) Work hard, play after: America ('s educational system) had me working an average of 12-hour days. As much as I anticipate the return of old habits, you taught me how to appreciate a well-earned rest with friends or just by myself. There's no shame in recuperation time to reflect in teaching practices, or time to take your mind off work to hit the refresh button.
3) Chill out and move on: You threw me some curve-balls: non-functional projectors, inconsistent internet connections, heckling locals... But I figured out that you were teaching me to be patient and creative with my solutions. No need to freak out; chill out and move on. Cancel class and assign the video as a homework assignment. Go to the next cafe and bow out gracefully. When a local heckles you, flash a big cheesy smile to show that you acknowledge that you're different (running with Dri-fit gear, a headband, and actual running shoes makes you stick out like a sore thumb here), and that you just don't care.
4) Appreciate the inner-introvert: Never have I appreciated alone time as much as I have since I've been here. I've been able to reflect constructively about my actions and plan accordingly to short-term and long-term goals. I've also been able to blog, journal, and write creatively, giving me a proper outlet to clear my mind and focus on work thereafter. Don't get me wrong -- I still enjoy discovering you, Viet Nam. The moments I have alone are spent processing you and how I can treat you better.
5) Keep the big goals in mind: I can be a very detail-oriented person, but you helped me focus on the bigger picture. During the times I tried to lesson-plan past functional hours, you pulled me away from my computer and helped me reflect on the main objectives, and how internalizing those alone can help the students more than an elaborate (and possibly unfulfilled) plan can. When I get caught up in administrative details, you help me remember that I'm here for the students and community, and that I could come up with solutions within my locus of control. Knowing that my time with you will soon come to an end, you even give me the time and space to evaluate how my work here will translate to what I will do in the future and support my actions toward resettling in the States.
Viet Nam, I'm extremely thankful for everything you've given me. I only hope that I can give back to you just as much. I love you dearly, and I'll do my best to not let you down.
Sincerely,
Nguyen Minh-Giang
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