Monday, March 11, 2013

Reconnecting

I was having dinner with Kate and her parents the other day, who were visiting Hue for a couple days, and they asked about my experiences as a Vietnamese American Fulbrighter in Vietnam. They spoke to me with the same gleam in their eyes as I once had when I first arrived to Hanoi for orientation. Jokingly, I stated, "America's my homeland," and went on about how there has been a clash of cultures considering the family I was born to, the country I was raised in, and the country I have only recently come to know as my que huong.

Looking back, I realized that I said that because I had been so disheartened by my work here. I spend over 12 hours a day planning for a class that I have no curriculum for, no test to prepare them for, no purpose to state. I've scheduled English and Poetry Club meetings that students have no time to attend. I'm usually told by students that I speak too fast, when I have reduced my speaking speed by 1/2. I find it hard to create meaning in my work given that I don't have the vocabulary to explain why each lesson matters, and why it's important that they complete homework each day. I found myself flipping through photo albums of my fifth grade students from the past school year, thinking to myself how much I miss them and being in a 5th grade classroom. At least I was given curriculum that I could adapt to, and there was a stronger cultural connection, as most of us were Americans from immigrant backgrounds.

So I did what I usually do to get out of my mental slumps: sought comfort in my friends. My friend Hong, whom I know from working out at the Indochine, took me to her que Thu Ha, which is located 20 km north of Hue. There, we hung out with her parents, made banh bot loc, ate lunch, walked around her hometown, napped, then ate some more. What was nice about our trip was the retreat aspect as well as the bonding experience; I got to learn more about Hong as I conversed with her and her parents, and I was extremely grateful that they welcomed me to their home.
Flour + shrimp and pork fat = banh (bot) loc
Our finished product. I made fat ones since I kept trying to fit in as much meat as possible.
Hong va me Hong
Vietnam's Next Top Model!
This past Friday was quite eventful given that it was International Womyn's Day. I received many texts from different students from this and the past semester, and one of my senior students invited me out for lunch to practice English. Once she realized that I could speak a decent amount of Vietnamese, we ended up speaking mostly Vietnamese, mostly to get to know each other better and to clarify the meaning of certain English words. (We promised to speak English the next time we hung out.) Lunch extended to street coffee (cafe coc) as we spoke about the differences and meanings of certain Vietnamese and English words, and laughed about the potential misunderstandings and how incorrect pronunciation can lead to the use of an unintended word.

I was really thankful we got to hang out because I rarely have the opportunity to get to know students outside of class (mostly because I'm scared the line of professionalism would get blurry), and she gave me honest feedback about how the class was going and how her and the other students prefer to learn in class. Apparently, my hours of planning have not gone unnoticed, as she said she really appreciates the hard work I put into introducing the culture of each region, and how thorough I am in explaining. "It's like we're elementary school students again!" she exclaimed. I guess being an elementary school teacher prior to teaching in Vietnam has its benefits.

At night, Jared was sweet enough to host a party for the womyn and womyn appreciators in his life. Binh and Hieu also prepared food for us; Binh made dau hu sot ca va dau phong (tofu sauteed in tomato and peanuts), and Hieu made nutella banana dessert. A group of us got down with Blackjack, which is always a fun group game.
Our wonderful host
Binh preparing us a lovely dish
Tram, My, and Jenelle appreciating each other
Binh, Steven, Thao and me
By the end of the week, I had realized that I really missed my cousins in Da Nang, and that I may not be able to make my monthly first for March given scheduled weekend-events. Therefore, I decided to visit them this past weekend. As soon as I came in, my cousin Khoai took me around a scenic countryside route that he just discovered around Da Nang. I felt I was in Mai Chau again as I soaked in the natural beauty around me, and I felt the spirit and positivity I once felt about being in Vietnam return the more I hung out around him. Hanging out with Khoai reminded me of how my cousin Chi Dung told me about how her and my father used to run around Sai Gon and cause trouble, being "quay" and having fund together. I hope to one day tell my future children about their Cau Khoai and how he brought youth and optimism into my life when I didn't feel I was at my best.
Twinsies!
Khoai telling me to pretend that I'm looking at something far away
Falling hug
After hanging out with my friends, family, and talking to my student, I realized I can be too hard on myself. I may not feel successful at my work because I'm placing myself at high standards that should be adjusted to fit Vietnamese work-life. I should continue thinking within my locus of control and act based on the things I am able to do and get in contact with people who can support me, whether they be folks at the school, Fulbrighters, or teachers from back at home. Another thing I realized is that I need to be more proactive about reaching out to friends and family. I have such a good time with them whenever I'm around them, but since I'm so worried about lesson planning, I tend to opt out of calling/texting them to ensure that I have enough time to take care of my work. But what ends up happening is that I get so wound up with stress that I end up being a hot-mess the next day anyway. I need to balance life better, and I need to continue connecting with folks, as I'm sure these next three months will fly by quickly.

2 comments:

  1. I miss you a lot Ms.Nguyen - Edith Moran ( your old fifth grader)

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    Replies
    1. I miss you, too, Edith! I hope you are doing well, and I hope I get to visit you all sometime next school year. =)

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